Archive for the ‘ Random Thoughts ’ Category

Motivate Yourself!

I was working on a different Friday Inspiration the last two weeks and then scratched all of it as of yesterday morning because I had a meeting that inspired me to talk on THIS subject instead…I like getting real with others and yesterday morning proved to be a great experience of enlightenment.  It was a meeting that produced great joy…but only after the dissection of much pain.  So yesterday I took some time to collaborate my thoughts…

Motivate-yourself-nowTo perform at anything at your best, you must become your own personal cheerleader.  You must develop a routine of coaching yourself and encouraging yourself to play at the top of your game.  Most of your emotions, positive or negative, are determined by how you talk to yourself on a minute-to-minute basis.  It is not what happens to you but the way that you interpret the things that are happening to you (sometimes assumptions) that determines how you feel.  Your version of events largely determines whether these events motivate or demotivate you, or whether they energize or de-energize you.

To keep yourself motivated, you must resolve to become a complete optimist.  You must decide to respond positively to the words, actions, and reactions of the people and situations around you.  You must refuse to let the unavoidable difficulties and setbacks of daily life affect your mood or emotions.

Develop a Positive Mental Attitude!

I was given a book a few years back amply entitled Learned Optimism, by Martin Seligman, who had twenty two years of study at the University of Pennsylvania.  In the book, he summarized all of that study and determined that optimism is the most important quality you can develop for personal and professional success and happiness.  Optimistic people seem to be more effective in almost every area of life.

It turns out that optimists have four special behaviors…all learned though practice and repetition.

First, optimists look for the good in every situation.  No matter what goes wrong, they always look for something good or beneficial.

Second, optimists always seek the valuable lesson in every setback or difficulty.  They believe that “difficulties come not to obstruct but to instruct.”

Third, optimists always look for the solution to every problem.  Instead of blaming or complaining when things go wrong, they become action oriented.  They ask questions like “what’s the solution?  What can we do now?  What’s the next step?”  I’ve always thought that more important than the mistake that was ever made was the next thing that was done.

Fourth, optimists think and talk continually about their goals.  They think about what they want and how to get it.  They are always looking forward rather than backward.

When you continually visualize your goals and ideas and talk to yourself in a positive way, you feel more focused and energized.  You feel more confident and creative.  You experience a greater sense of control and personal power.  And the more positive and motivated you feel, the more eager you are to get started and the more determined you are to keep going.  It always helps when you have others around you who are supportive of your objectives and give you a clear path to cleanse yourself through advice, moral and love.

My great friend Mark Wood posted something to his Twitter account yesterday that hit me and made me know it was important to talk on this topic…he posted: “The person who will influence you the most is not the person you believe in; it is the person who believes in you.”

Great wisdom

Today’s REALITY Check

It’s not “what happens” to you. What “happens”, “happens” to everyone. It’s what you “do” about what happens. Start doing different things with the same circumstances.

Just takes a different mindset…ponder this:

STOP wishing it were easier.
START working to become better.
STOP wishing for less problems.
START developing more skills.
STOP wishing it wasn’t so expensive.
START earning more.

See, without the proper mindset…we fail. Welcome to reality. Without a plan, we postpone living until we die.

INEVITABILITY: The future will come.

So let’s stop being apprehensive and be more decisive with action and determination. Apprehension only leads to small, uncertain steps, under achievement, a low self-esteem, fear, self doubt, anger, envy, sadness and regret.

What happens if we don’t make plans for the future? NOT MUCH.

Knowing When To Hold’em and When To Fold’em

Relationships of any variety are what tends to define you over the course of life. You will probably hit every gamut of the type you either desire or already have…spouse or significant other, business only relationships, friendships, acquaintances, well…you get the picture.

Personally, I search to maintain relationships which motivate or inspire me versus the ones that drag me down or pull against my every whim of balance. Balance is a constant struggle to juggle. I never let others interfere with certain priorities in my life, yet I have some relationships (or thought I did) which are hard to ignore the ugly head sticking itself way out there for me to pound on like a candy piñata. I have both relationships where I am the mentor, and others I think of myself as the mentee.

So why the title of this blog today? The title says it all…but I chose it because I had an experience within the last month with someone that completely caught me off guard. It made me mad. There was unpleasant exchanges hidden behind emails. It reminded me of the famous song from Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler”. For those of you who don’t know this, I am an avid poker player. I play it with passion…so this is a natural fit for title to me. So, I went home and garnered it up on my iPod to listen to the lyrics. And I imagined what it would sound like in our world where we deal with all kinds of relationships and the decisions we make about prioritizing/categorizing them. Just read some of the words and imagine this is about friends and relationships:

Now ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
‘Cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

You got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em,
Know when to walk away, and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table,
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

What’s funny here is that the above lyrics never rang louder to me than on that day. I’ve had plenty of experience “hiring” and/or “firing” relationships, business partners, friends…but beyond appreciation for what is you do or who it is you are lies an underbelly of how you think, what you REALLY think, or how you would respond to unpleasant news. It’s a wonderful notion to think you will always be in a relationship that is happy and lasting. However, between what we want, and the reality of our society (which sickens me by the way), there’s a deep chasm of false hopes and unfulfilled promises. I have some ideas for…basically, a relationship compatibility test. The barometer of which will resemble a marriage-type relationship and the keys to a long-term partnership…judge for yourself:

1. Do you trust your partner/relationship? Without this one…the rest of what I will say about this topic won’t matter much. Trust is complicated. Some people trust blindly but others have trust issues which are often seeded from negative experiences from their past. A great gauge of trustworthiness is based on a strong overall record of dependability. So, ask yourself:
• In general, is my partner reliable and dependable?
• Do they keep important promises and/or agreements?
• Can you count on this partner to be a “rock” in your life?

2. Are you and your partner compatible? Things to look for here would be in the following categories (this is someone ‘showing their hand’):
• Emotionally – do they effectively express themselves in a manner that’s nourishing and constructive and respond affirmatively when you do the same?
• Intellectually – personally, I think having brains is important. 🙂 I feel a sense of kinship when I engage in discussions or endeavors with a partner who is an intellectual equal.
• Shared Activities – this builds a positive memory bank of shared experiences…it’s not really the activity that matters but more in the binding with interaction.

3. What type of person shows up within YOU in this relationship? Do different friends bring out different sides of you? Possibly more reserved with one and more rambunctious with another? I know in some of my relationships I’m more patient and some I quarrel with too easily. I have trigger points, as we all do. Your partners/relationships/friends can elicit a particular side of you, so consider:
• Does my better-self or my worse-self show up when I’m with these people or talking with these people?
• Fundamentally, do I like myself in this relationship?

4. Does your partner’s communication lift you up or bring you down? This one is big for me in a couple of ways. The first being the fact that I try to lift others and inspire others through many means, such as my Friday Inspirations which you are reading now. The two biggest considerations should come from asking yourself, “Is my partner’s communication soft on the person, firm on the issue, or the other way around?” and “What about the ways I communicate with them?”

5. How do you and your partner deal with conflict? It’s normal. Conflicts and arguments won’t necessarily jeopardize a relationship. In fact, there are times when disagreements can actually help the bond of your relationship. The key is in how you and your partner decide to handle the conflict. Some good advice was once shared with me that I have tucked away: Let the little things go. People who struggle in life often fight over little things. We obsess over things that don’t really matter. We create resistance instead of letting things glide off us. (GUILTY) Let the little things go, breathe, and move on to the important things.

6. How do you and partners handle external adversity or crisis together? This is my ‘Calling the Bluff’ stuff. From personal to worldly, one of the traits noticeable about highly successful and enduring relationships is the ability to stand together in the face of challenges. A true test is whether two people have each other’s back when times are tough. Does adversity bring you closer together or pull you apart? In difficult life circumstances, do you act like adults or children? Can you and your partner share the bad times, or only enjoy the good times?

I’m pretty sure I could go on and on over this topic. When you read the above it certainly looks like marriage advice, right? Relationships mirror each other that way…there are similar traits found in business partnerships as there are found in intimate relationships. It’s just a fact. When you do this “accounting” of who are your best relationships, etc. I can assure you it will come to mind, “who do I keep tight hold of and who do I let go”… precisely. Knowing when to hold’em and knowing when to fold’em gives you the happiness…

“Complex, fulfilling relationships don’t appear in our lives fully formed. Rather, they develop one encounter at a time”

My 10 Inner Secrets to Success

 

In all the studies I’ve read and seminars I’ve attended, plus the career/life coaching I’ve received personally…I’ve been conditioned to know that positive events often come via positive thinking and the applying of those measures in every day practices.  Oppositely, society today is conditioned to blame circumstances for our problems.  But if this were true, wouldn’t we all be in the exact same circumstance?

The difference between all of us is in the quality of our thoughts and ideas.  We can become effective in making changes if we know the underlying factors that govern our lives.

As I thought about this and looked back at my sales career, I took notice of 10 specific keys that I can attribute to my success.  They are called inner secrets because you can’t see them, but when you apply them to your life, the possibilities are unlimited.

  1. Cheerful expectancy:  Many of my mentors have used this analogy with me…imagine waking up and seeing a large package at the foot of your bed wrapped in beautiful gold paper with a big red bow tied around it.  Guess what’s in there?  Today is your gift, and you can make it whatever you want.  You choose to focus on the positive or the negative. You can be enthusiastic, eager to do things and happily go about the simple matters of life.  Or you can be tired, complain and expect the worst of things.  Your approach to your day, family and clients determines what you get back.  You may find that your attitude will be infectious and more good will come to you. 
  2. Set a goal and make a plan:  After reading Napoleon Hill’s book Think & Grow Rich , I discovered the importance of having a goal and the six steps to setting one.  You don’t have to know how to achieve some things; you only must start advancing toward a goal to attract all the people, things and circumstances you need to fulfill it.  Build an image of what you want to achieve, make a simple plan and take action.
  3. Do one proactive thing daily regarding your goal:  Vow to do just one thing each day that will move you closer to your goal, and do it before you do anything else that day.  Otherwise, one skipped day can turn into a month or year.  You must put the urgency into what’s important in your life because no one else will.
  4. Deliver exceptional value and strive for excellence:  Look for how you can give your best in each interaction.  But remember: Striving for perfection can be exhausting.  Nothing will be perfect.  Instead, strive for excellence.  Why?  Because excellence is a commitment to completion.  Complete the unfinished projects around your house and office.
  5. Build on your successes:  Many of us are conditioned to compare our weaknesses to other people’s strengths and our failures to their successes.  If that isn’t bad enough, we use our memory to remember everything that didn’t work out – just at the time that we want to step out and do something new.  Change that habit by writing out your strengths and playing to them.  Congratulate yourself for each new success and use that fabulous energy to create more.  Get on the phone and talk to others because they will be excited by your enthusiasm.
  6. Make decisions:  Learning how to make a decision is one of the most powerful things you can do.  Once you make a decision, everything you need to make it happen starts to move toward you.  Without a decision, it stays away from you.  Instead of asking if its right or wrong to do something,  it’s far more powerful to ask and answer this question: ”If I do this, will it move me in the direction of my goal or purpose?”
  7. Take responsibility:  Do this for everything happening in your life.  Resolve today to stop blaming, complaining or making excuses.  People who refuse to accept responsibility for the life they have created also don’t make decisions.  Refusing responsibilities and fearing a decision must be overcome to be an effective business leader.  Instead, look for your next step to improve the situation.
  8. Learn constantly:  Many people often stop developing themselves.  Instead, be someone who is continually learning, be it through workshops, seminars, motivational CDs, books or more.  There’s no standing still because the world is constantly changing, and we must stay abreast.  If you aren’t willing to invest in yourself, don’t expect anyone else to invest in you.
  9. Be grateful:  I have found that the more gratitude that I have for everything in my life, the better it gets.  When something happens, whether we call it good or bad, it’s there because we need it now. There is a message in that experience.  Everything is in your life for a reason.  If you are unhappy, then you aren’t being grateful. 
  10. Give:  We’ve all heard that we must give in order to receive.  It’s the absolute truth.  But there are many who are trying to get without giving and consequently living a life filled with unhappiness.  The way we give is the way we should expect to receive – whether it is how we give our services in business, how we give of ourselves in our friendships and relationships, or how we give back to the community.  If people aren’t selling enough, it’s because they aren’t giving enough service.

Forget about what you will gain and focus on what you can give.  By giving to others you ultimately are giving to yourself.  You’re giving yourself real value.  Your world will change quickly.

Borrowers Need to Understand Three Credit-Score Realities

As a mortgage professional, I work with credit reports and credit scores most of my day.  They are the lifeline upon which crucial decisions are made in lending.  With the climate ever-changing in the housing market, it is important for me to understand how loan modifications, short sales and foreclosures may affect a borrower’s credit.  Many distressed clients are turning to me for credit advice – so the more I know, the better I can help.

This is why I’d like to share information that I feel is important for the masses to understand.

Knowing that credit rules the roost is only the beginning.  Client need to improve their overall understanding of their own credit, and I typically like to help them by explaining what’s on a credit report and sometimes offering advice about improving credit scores.  Credit not only affects how much money mortgage borrowers must put down, but it also affects the rate they will receive.

When former clients are having trouble making their mortgage payment, the second person they often call after their service provider is me…the person who obtained their financing.  I often answer questions such as:

  • What options do I have?
  • What effect will this situation have on my credit score?
  • How long until I can get a new mortgage?

Those questions can sometimes be intimidating, but knowing and understanding the answers does arm me with valuable information and adds an important tool to my professional repertoire.  I’m not a credit EXPERT, but I did play one on TV…

The three most-likely outcomes for distressed borrowers are

  1. Loan modifications;
  2. Short sales; or
  3. Foreclosures.

All three of the above have a negative impact on borrower’s credit scores.  The size of that impact, however, can vary substantially.

Modifications

Most struggling homeowners first will attempt to modify their loan with their current service provider.  Loan modifications have been pushed by the federal government through its Making Home Affordable programs, which include the Home Affordable Modification Program (HAMP).

Servicers with loans that Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac own or guarantee must participate in HAMP, and other servicers have been encouraged to follow suit.  In addition, proprietary loan-modification products have been introduced to the market.

In theory, decreasing struggling borrowers’ mortgage payments to a manageable amount is great.  All borrowers must do is fill out some paperwork and have their payments drop.

There’s at least one problem, however:  Many lenders won’t consider modifying borrowers’ loans unless they’re at least 90 days behind on their mortgage (although they don’t ever come right out and say that!).  HAMP rules, however, state that mortgage delinquency isn’t a prerequisite to loan modification. 

When borrowers miss a mortgage payment for the first time, their credit scores begin to drop.  If they continue to miss payments until a modification is complete, their scores continue to fall.

The road to credit-score recovery begins when the modification is complete.  Although borrower’s scores may have taken a significant hit during the modification process, their rebound will occur faster than if they had decided to go through with a foreclosure.

Short Sales

When modification attempts don’t work, distressed homeowners will likely seek counsel to sell the house in question.  Often, this is when reality has set in that the house is worth much less than the amount owed.  In such cases, a short sale may be required.

Short sales typically harm credit scores more than loan modifications but less than foreclosures.  A line that appears in the credit report like, “Settled for less than full amount,” likely will be inserted after the short sale.  Such a report can subtract 100 points from credit scores.

Homeowners facing short sales also will have seen previous knocks to their credit scores if they were late making any mortgage payments.  For those who stayed on top of their payments despite needing to execute a short sale, a 100-point drop could seem fair.  Short sales can linger on credit reports for as many as seven years.

Foreclosures

When modification and short sale attempts fail, borrowers typically have one final option: foreclosure.  Borrowers who undergo foreclosure will see their credit scores plummet, after the scores are first tarnished by the nonpayment of the mortgage.  In most foreclosure scenarios, credit scores continue to decline until the process ends, which could be as long as one to two years.

After the foreclosure hits the report, scores can drop by as much as 200 points.  Foreclosures will stay on credit reports for seven years.

According to a recent FICO report, credit scores can dip by as many as 160 points following a foreclosure – not counting late payments (see the Credit-Score Effects sidebar below).

 

 

Credit counseling has always been part of my duty as a mortgage professional and I expect that to continue forever.  Informing my clients and any distressed homeowners about their options right now in this marketplace is a key to the longevity of their financial profiles.  I personally believe homeowners have a right to expect that from the person and/or company who originated their mortgage in the first place.

The Business of Love

I have had a lot on my brain of late.  So many changes have happened around the office.  Lots of discovery on my end into the endless encounters I seem to have with relationships.  Having just celebrated my 29th birthday…okay okay…my 37th birthday, there was a lot of love being spread around by the best wishes for a great day from all of my friends and acquaintances all the way to the cozy love I feel from my family at home.  Fact is, for several reasons, I’ve been thinking lately about love and how it acquaints to business in general.  I’ve been writing notes for a month on this topic alone…

How do we even answer that question: What’s love got to do with business?  It seems fair enough, business after all is about measurable results and love is fuzzy – difficult to define and impossible to weigh.  Recently I was on a conference call with my life/business coach Kevin and we were listening to a British woman who was preparing to author a book about love in the boardroom.  As she spoke of her research, it simply told a different story.  She talked about the days of chivalry, where the “good lords” developed a fondness for their charges, and built highly loyal and effective teams.  Later, during the industrial revolution, scale changed all of that.  Early industrialists argued that you can’t scale the good lords model.  The whole point of capitalism is to scale something into increasing returns for the owners.  Love doesn’t scale, but machines and processes do.  That’s where I think love was buried…in the model of big business. 

When I think about it, it makes sense.  Show me someone who wants to build a massive business, and I’ll show you someone that has a hard time finding a role for love in the model.  Of course, there are some pretty big organizations (I’m thinking Southwest Airlines, Aveda, etc.) where the founders defied convention and much like the good lords, leveraged engagement of their people into profits (via customer delight).  

In my experience, when you show business love, you are sharing your intangibles to promote the other’s growth. You are sharing knowledge, your network of relationships or your compassion to help others grow, end suffering and prosper.  You do it with the belief that nice smart people succeed and most of all people reciprocate.  This means you have a high degree of faith in human nature’s tendency to give back and love back.  This is where it all goes wrong for the modern industrialist.  That’s a big bet to make, especially on an entity as unpredictable as humans.  You can go Six Sigma and have blind faith in an almost perfect assembly line, but you can’t put people at the center of the business without a slight fear that chaos was around the corner. 

You need to find the faith.  The norm of reciprocity is as statistically valid as any manufacturing or systematic process ever created.  We are a species that reciprocates and gives more to people that truly care about us.  Here’s the real problem: Ego.  The modern business leader never wants to be wrong about people, because that would be quite ‘personal’.  You can make a bad bet on a machine, then blame someone later in the supply chain.  Hire someone, groom them for greatness, then have them compete against you in the market?  A failure of epic proportions on your part. 

Get over it.  If you want to test how you will feel about this in your later days, just visit any retirement community and talk to the former biz-folk staying there.  Ask them about their managers, reports and vendors.  Ask them if they consider them friends, sons, daughters, brothers, etc.  To a person, you’ll get a twinkle and a tear, as they explain that some of the greatest relationships of their life happened at work.  This is why I love my people in the here and now.  I’m not so hungry for scale, that I’m willing to turn humans into objects.  I’m not afraid of being wrong about people, perfect is the enemy of good.

Business Relationship…Is It Worth It?

I’ll tell you what…what a heck of a day I just went through.  We all have our bad days, but this one could go down as one which requires me to head to anger management class.

Over the years, it’s been pretty easy to use my natural abilities of making others feel at ease and comfortable with their decision making of buying a home, especially first-timers.  Not because I’m a good salesman but because of my experiences and depth of knowledge as a certified planner over my career.  Adding education to the process enables the buyer to have proper knowledge and helps establish trust in continuation of financing a home.  Along the journey of my career, I’ve also developed very loyal partners and business associate relationships as a result of being the professional I am.  They are very valuable to me…but the value is in the friendship.  You see, I’m the relationship guy.  I place people before profit and ensure that others know how much I care about taking good care of them.  I surround them in my advisor network with others of the same cloth.  In other words, the relationship with people is much more far-reaching than the amount of money I will net on a loan I ever sell.  Sometimes this puts me at a disadvantage though.  I know what you’re thinking…How could being that guy put you at a disadvantage

Well, I don’t know if it’s vulnerability or transparency or what…I’ve been taught in my life to be both and as a result, true, meaningful relationships will form.  It’s the difference between capturing that one commission vs. knowing if you build the relationship, seven other opportunities will amount from a single person or transaction.  My income is a bi-product of that foundation.  But have you ever thought that you had a very loyal relationship (partnerships and friendships do often mix and should mix if it’s worth your time!) but then you find out it may be false?  Basically I found out today what a negative, critical, cynical, and doubtful person really is and what they look and sound like.  It came in the form of a small comment with intent.  Privately, I was fighting off  my own doubts already based on a couple of other moments I can recall, but pressed forward when they occurred, trying to understand the person.  Maybe it could have been a moment and not truly how this person thinks and performs in his own business, or how he feels about me.  I tend to look at the positive and the affirmative in most situations.  Questioning others, to another, for the sole intent of smearing one’s name, or creating doubt in another relationship that has strength just isn’t great business karma.  Heck, it’s not even good life karma.  It shows your lack of knowledge, as it did in this case when the person spoke with intent to create doubt.  They never spoke the words to me.  Instead, the comments of “fees being ridiculous on this loan” were forefront, spoken to a very loyal partner of mine and one that I share a very many happy clients with over the years.  Nevermind the buyer’s financial DNA…the less-than-perfect credit score, the 5th home purchase as an investment property, self-employed status, the hard to source personal assets vs. business assets, the buyer chosing to add fees in order to buy-down the interest rate on the loan…I still miraculously got it done after a great many challenges.  The fees on the loan were chosen by the buyer as a structure for what was best for his financial DNA.  No one else’s.  Yet, my integrity was questioned today because a piece of paper showed fees that were above what the commenter thinks is normal.  They WERE higher than normal.  I was working with a transaction made up of un-normalness!  It must mean that I take advantage of buyers and overcharge them, because the best deal must mean that they get NO FEES and a 0% interest rate right?   The commenter has no clue about the loan industry or tightness of getting deals to close these days.  They breed and foster negativity by spreading propaganda which doesn’t concern them.  It shows a very large lack of class, and coming from someone who is a self-appointed leader simply amazes me. 

So why did this happen?  The best answer I can come up with this evening is the fact that this person chooses to operate his life and business from a price basis.  You know, the car salesman?  Yet, his fee as a sales agent isn’t questioned…it’s more the norm, an industry standard sort of thing.  No one gets to look at his credit score and tell him he’s worth less than 3% because his profile is made up of derogatory information.  No one gets to see if he is a profitable agent to determine whether worthy of his total commission.  Yet, he doesn’t know the meaning of the word trust.  The fees on this loan had nothing to do with what commission I made.  It had everything to do with the client DNA I previously mentioned.  The client was very happy, his agent was fully involved and informed along the way and although some tight guidelines made us sweat a couple of times, we closed the transaction on time (in fact, would’ve closed days in advance if the buyer was a local resident).

Today, deep down, I know I did right by my client.  My client knows I did right by him.  My agent knows too and never questions my integrity because of the trust and assuring she receives in return of handling her clients with special care.  But also today, I found out the amount of energy I provide, the amount of time I invest, the total commitment to excellence I stand for, the amount of money I spend, and the priority I put on one particular relationship with an individual was all a waste of time and certainly not worth it.

I don’t know what spurns me to write this.  I am supposed to live with the virtue of forgiveness but it’s hard for me tonight.  I have much to be grateful for in my life, and often I turn the other cheek to such things.  Too often, too many people spend their days blaming others or nurturing grudges, or planning retribution.  I don’t like it when my integrity is questioned.  It’s never happened before…this is all new to me so it has upset me.  It doesn’t feel good.  But I know this:  I have integrity.  Men and women of integrity understand intrinsically that theirs is the precious right to hold their heads in the sunlight of truth, unashamed before anyone. 

So I will do that instead.