Posts Tagged ‘ Life ’

Today’s REALITY Check

It’s not “what happens” to you. What “happens”, “happens” to everyone. It’s what you “do” about what happens. Start doing different things with the same circumstances.

Just takes a different mindset…ponder this:

STOP wishing it were easier.
START working to become better.
STOP wishing for less problems.
START developing more skills.
STOP wishing it wasn’t so expensive.
START earning more.

See, without the proper mindset…we fail. Welcome to reality. Without a plan, we postpone living until we die.

INEVITABILITY: The future will come.

So let’s stop being apprehensive and be more decisive with action and determination. Apprehension only leads to small, uncertain steps, under achievement, a low self-esteem, fear, self doubt, anger, envy, sadness and regret.

What happens if we don’t make plans for the future? NOT MUCH.

2015
07/30
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Knowing When To Hold’em and When To Fold’em

Relationships of any variety are what tends to define you over the course of life. You will probably hit every gamut of the type you either desire or already have…spouse or significant other, business only relationships, friendships, acquaintances, well…you get the picture.

Personally, I search to maintain relationships which motivate or inspire me versus the ones that drag me down or pull against my every whim of balance. Balance is a constant struggle to juggle. I never let others interfere with certain priorities in my life, yet I have some relationships (or thought I did) which are hard to ignore the ugly head sticking itself way out there for me to pound on like a candy piñata. I have both relationships where I am the mentor, and others I think of myself as the mentee.

So why the title of this blog today? The title says it all…but I chose it because I had an experience within the last month with someone that completely caught me off guard. It made me mad. There was unpleasant exchanges hidden behind emails. It reminded me of the famous song from Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler”. For those of you who don’t know this, I am an avid poker player. I play it with passion…so this is a natural fit for title to me. So, I went home and garnered it up on my iPod to listen to the lyrics. And I imagined what it would sound like in our world where we deal with all kinds of relationships and the decisions we make about prioritizing/categorizing them. Just read some of the words and imagine this is about friends and relationships:

Now ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
‘Cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

You got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em,
Know when to walk away, and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table,
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

What’s funny here is that the above lyrics never rang louder to me than on that day. I’ve had plenty of experience “hiring” and/or “firing” relationships, business partners, friends…but beyond appreciation for what is you do or who it is you are lies an underbelly of how you think, what you REALLY think, or how you would respond to unpleasant news. It’s a wonderful notion to think you will always be in a relationship that is happy and lasting. However, between what we want, and the reality of our society (which sickens me by the way), there’s a deep chasm of false hopes and unfulfilled promises. I have some ideas for…basically, a relationship compatibility test. The barometer of which will resemble a marriage-type relationship and the keys to a long-term partnership…judge for yourself:

1. Do you trust your partner/relationship? Without this one…the rest of what I will say about this topic won’t matter much. Trust is complicated. Some people trust blindly but others have trust issues which are often seeded from negative experiences from their past. A great gauge of trustworthiness is based on a strong overall record of dependability. So, ask yourself:
• In general, is my partner reliable and dependable?
• Do they keep important promises and/or agreements?
• Can you count on this partner to be a “rock” in your life?

2. Are you and your partner compatible? Things to look for here would be in the following categories (this is someone ‘showing their hand’):
• Emotionally – do they effectively express themselves in a manner that’s nourishing and constructive and respond affirmatively when you do the same?
• Intellectually – personally, I think having brains is important. 🙂 I feel a sense of kinship when I engage in discussions or endeavors with a partner who is an intellectual equal.
• Shared Activities – this builds a positive memory bank of shared experiences…it’s not really the activity that matters but more in the binding with interaction.

3. What type of person shows up within YOU in this relationship? Do different friends bring out different sides of you? Possibly more reserved with one and more rambunctious with another? I know in some of my relationships I’m more patient and some I quarrel with too easily. I have trigger points, as we all do. Your partners/relationships/friends can elicit a particular side of you, so consider:
• Does my better-self or my worse-self show up when I’m with these people or talking with these people?
• Fundamentally, do I like myself in this relationship?

4. Does your partner’s communication lift you up or bring you down? This one is big for me in a couple of ways. The first being the fact that I try to lift others and inspire others through many means, such as my Friday Inspirations which you are reading now. The two biggest considerations should come from asking yourself, “Is my partner’s communication soft on the person, firm on the issue, or the other way around?” and “What about the ways I communicate with them?”

5. How do you and your partner deal with conflict? It’s normal. Conflicts and arguments won’t necessarily jeopardize a relationship. In fact, there are times when disagreements can actually help the bond of your relationship. The key is in how you and your partner decide to handle the conflict. Some good advice was once shared with me that I have tucked away: Let the little things go. People who struggle in life often fight over little things. We obsess over things that don’t really matter. We create resistance instead of letting things glide off us. (GUILTY) Let the little things go, breathe, and move on to the important things.

6. How do you and partners handle external adversity or crisis together? This is my ‘Calling the Bluff’ stuff. From personal to worldly, one of the traits noticeable about highly successful and enduring relationships is the ability to stand together in the face of challenges. A true test is whether two people have each other’s back when times are tough. Does adversity bring you closer together or pull you apart? In difficult life circumstances, do you act like adults or children? Can you and your partner share the bad times, or only enjoy the good times?

I’m pretty sure I could go on and on over this topic. When you read the above it certainly looks like marriage advice, right? Relationships mirror each other that way…there are similar traits found in business partnerships as there are found in intimate relationships. It’s just a fact. When you do this “accounting” of who are your best relationships, etc. I can assure you it will come to mind, “who do I keep tight hold of and who do I let go”… precisely. Knowing when to hold’em and knowing when to fold’em gives you the happiness…

“Complex, fulfilling relationships don’t appear in our lives fully formed. Rather, they develop one encounter at a time”

2013
06/05
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My 10 Inner Secrets to Success

 

In all the studies I’ve read and seminars I’ve attended, plus the career/life coaching I’ve received personally…I’ve been conditioned to know that positive events often come via positive thinking and the applying of those measures in every day practices.  Oppositely, society today is conditioned to blame circumstances for our problems.  But if this were true, wouldn’t we all be in the exact same circumstance?

The difference between all of us is in the quality of our thoughts and ideas.  We can become effective in making changes if we know the underlying factors that govern our lives.

As I thought about this and looked back at my sales career, I took notice of 10 specific keys that I can attribute to my success.  They are called inner secrets because you can’t see them, but when you apply them to your life, the possibilities are unlimited.

  1. Cheerful expectancy:  Many of my mentors have used this analogy with me…imagine waking up and seeing a large package at the foot of your bed wrapped in beautiful gold paper with a big red bow tied around it.  Guess what’s in there?  Today is your gift, and you can make it whatever you want.  You choose to focus on the positive or the negative. You can be enthusiastic, eager to do things and happily go about the simple matters of life.  Or you can be tired, complain and expect the worst of things.  Your approach to your day, family and clients determines what you get back.  You may find that your attitude will be infectious and more good will come to you. 
  2. Set a goal and make a plan:  After reading Napoleon Hill’s book Think & Grow Rich , I discovered the importance of having a goal and the six steps to setting one.  You don’t have to know how to achieve some things; you only must start advancing toward a goal to attract all the people, things and circumstances you need to fulfill it.  Build an image of what you want to achieve, make a simple plan and take action.
  3. Do one proactive thing daily regarding your goal:  Vow to do just one thing each day that will move you closer to your goal, and do it before you do anything else that day.  Otherwise, one skipped day can turn into a month or year.  You must put the urgency into what’s important in your life because no one else will.
  4. Deliver exceptional value and strive for excellence:  Look for how you can give your best in each interaction.  But remember: Striving for perfection can be exhausting.  Nothing will be perfect.  Instead, strive for excellence.  Why?  Because excellence is a commitment to completion.  Complete the unfinished projects around your house and office.
  5. Build on your successes:  Many of us are conditioned to compare our weaknesses to other people’s strengths and our failures to their successes.  If that isn’t bad enough, we use our memory to remember everything that didn’t work out – just at the time that we want to step out and do something new.  Change that habit by writing out your strengths and playing to them.  Congratulate yourself for each new success and use that fabulous energy to create more.  Get on the phone and talk to others because they will be excited by your enthusiasm.
  6. Make decisions:  Learning how to make a decision is one of the most powerful things you can do.  Once you make a decision, everything you need to make it happen starts to move toward you.  Without a decision, it stays away from you.  Instead of asking if its right or wrong to do something,  it’s far more powerful to ask and answer this question: ”If I do this, will it move me in the direction of my goal or purpose?”
  7. Take responsibility:  Do this for everything happening in your life.  Resolve today to stop blaming, complaining or making excuses.  People who refuse to accept responsibility for the life they have created also don’t make decisions.  Refusing responsibilities and fearing a decision must be overcome to be an effective business leader.  Instead, look for your next step to improve the situation.
  8. Learn constantly:  Many people often stop developing themselves.  Instead, be someone who is continually learning, be it through workshops, seminars, motivational CDs, books or more.  There’s no standing still because the world is constantly changing, and we must stay abreast.  If you aren’t willing to invest in yourself, don’t expect anyone else to invest in you.
  9. Be grateful:  I have found that the more gratitude that I have for everything in my life, the better it gets.  When something happens, whether we call it good or bad, it’s there because we need it now. There is a message in that experience.  Everything is in your life for a reason.  If you are unhappy, then you aren’t being grateful. 
  10. Give:  We’ve all heard that we must give in order to receive.  It’s the absolute truth.  But there are many who are trying to get without giving and consequently living a life filled with unhappiness.  The way we give is the way we should expect to receive – whether it is how we give our services in business, how we give of ourselves in our friendships and relationships, or how we give back to the community.  If people aren’t selling enough, it’s because they aren’t giving enough service.

Forget about what you will gain and focus on what you can give.  By giving to others you ultimately are giving to yourself.  You’re giving yourself real value.  Your world will change quickly.

2011
07/20
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The Business of Love

I have had a lot on my brain of late.  So many changes have happened around the office.  Lots of discovery on my end into the endless encounters I seem to have with relationships.  Having just celebrated my 29th birthday…okay okay…my 37th birthday, there was a lot of love being spread around by the best wishes for a great day from all of my friends and acquaintances all the way to the cozy love I feel from my family at home.  Fact is, for several reasons, I’ve been thinking lately about love and how it acquaints to business in general.  I’ve been writing notes for a month on this topic alone…

How do we even answer that question: What’s love got to do with business?  It seems fair enough, business after all is about measurable results and love is fuzzy – difficult to define and impossible to weigh.  Recently I was on a conference call with my life/business coach Kevin and we were listening to a British woman who was preparing to author a book about love in the boardroom.  As she spoke of her research, it simply told a different story.  She talked about the days of chivalry, where the “good lords” developed a fondness for their charges, and built highly loyal and effective teams.  Later, during the industrial revolution, scale changed all of that.  Early industrialists argued that you can’t scale the good lords model.  The whole point of capitalism is to scale something into increasing returns for the owners.  Love doesn’t scale, but machines and processes do.  That’s where I think love was buried…in the model of big business. 

When I think about it, it makes sense.  Show me someone who wants to build a massive business, and I’ll show you someone that has a hard time finding a role for love in the model.  Of course, there are some pretty big organizations (I’m thinking Southwest Airlines, Aveda, etc.) where the founders defied convention and much like the good lords, leveraged engagement of their people into profits (via customer delight).  

In my experience, when you show business love, you are sharing your intangibles to promote the other’s growth. You are sharing knowledge, your network of relationships or your compassion to help others grow, end suffering and prosper.  You do it with the belief that nice smart people succeed and most of all people reciprocate.  This means you have a high degree of faith in human nature’s tendency to give back and love back.  This is where it all goes wrong for the modern industrialist.  That’s a big bet to make, especially on an entity as unpredictable as humans.  You can go Six Sigma and have blind faith in an almost perfect assembly line, but you can’t put people at the center of the business without a slight fear that chaos was around the corner. 

You need to find the faith.  The norm of reciprocity is as statistically valid as any manufacturing or systematic process ever created.  We are a species that reciprocates and gives more to people that truly care about us.  Here’s the real problem: Ego.  The modern business leader never wants to be wrong about people, because that would be quite ‘personal’.  You can make a bad bet on a machine, then blame someone later in the supply chain.  Hire someone, groom them for greatness, then have them compete against you in the market?  A failure of epic proportions on your part. 

Get over it.  If you want to test how you will feel about this in your later days, just visit any retirement community and talk to the former biz-folk staying there.  Ask them about their managers, reports and vendors.  Ask them if they consider them friends, sons, daughters, brothers, etc.  To a person, you’ll get a twinkle and a tear, as they explain that some of the greatest relationships of their life happened at work.  This is why I love my people in the here and now.  I’m not so hungry for scale, that I’m willing to turn humans into objects.  I’m not afraid of being wrong about people, perfect is the enemy of good.

2010
04/02
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