Posts Tagged ‘ Business Partnerships ’

Knowing When To Hold’em and When To Fold’em

Relationships of any variety are what tends to define you over the course of life. You will probably hit every gamut of the type you either desire or already have…spouse or significant other, business only relationships, friendships, acquaintances, well…you get the picture.

Personally, I search to maintain relationships which motivate or inspire me versus the ones that drag me down or pull against my every whim of balance. Balance is a constant struggle to juggle. I never let others interfere with certain priorities in my life, yet I have some relationships (or thought I did) which are hard to ignore the ugly head sticking itself way out there for me to pound on like a candy piñata. I have both relationships where I am the mentor, and others I think of myself as the mentee.

So why the title of this blog today? The title says it all…but I chose it because I had an experience within the last month with someone that completely caught me off guard. It made me mad. There was unpleasant exchanges hidden behind emails. It reminded me of the famous song from Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler”. For those of you who don’t know this, I am an avid poker player. I play it with passion…so this is a natural fit for title to me. So, I went home and garnered it up on my iPod to listen to the lyrics. And I imagined what it would sound like in our world where we deal with all kinds of relationships and the decisions we make about prioritizing/categorizing them. Just read some of the words and imagine this is about friends and relationships:

Now ev’ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin’
Is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
‘Cause ev’ry hand’s a winner and ev’ry hand’s a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

You got to know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em,
Know when to walk away, and know when to run.
You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table,
There’ll be time enough for countin’ when the dealin’s done.

What’s funny here is that the above lyrics never rang louder to me than on that day. I’ve had plenty of experience “hiring” and/or “firing” relationships, business partners, friends…but beyond appreciation for what is you do or who it is you are lies an underbelly of how you think, what you REALLY think, or how you would respond to unpleasant news. It’s a wonderful notion to think you will always be in a relationship that is happy and lasting. However, between what we want, and the reality of our society (which sickens me by the way), there’s a deep chasm of false hopes and unfulfilled promises. I have some ideas for…basically, a relationship compatibility test. The barometer of which will resemble a marriage-type relationship and the keys to a long-term partnership…judge for yourself:

1. Do you trust your partner/relationship? Without this one…the rest of what I will say about this topic won’t matter much. Trust is complicated. Some people trust blindly but others have trust issues which are often seeded from negative experiences from their past. A great gauge of trustworthiness is based on a strong overall record of dependability. So, ask yourself:
• In general, is my partner reliable and dependable?
• Do they keep important promises and/or agreements?
• Can you count on this partner to be a “rock” in your life?

2. Are you and your partner compatible? Things to look for here would be in the following categories (this is someone ‘showing their hand’):
• Emotionally – do they effectively express themselves in a manner that’s nourishing and constructive and respond affirmatively when you do the same?
• Intellectually – personally, I think having brains is important. 🙂 I feel a sense of kinship when I engage in discussions or endeavors with a partner who is an intellectual equal.
• Shared Activities – this builds a positive memory bank of shared experiences…it’s not really the activity that matters but more in the binding with interaction.

3. What type of person shows up within YOU in this relationship? Do different friends bring out different sides of you? Possibly more reserved with one and more rambunctious with another? I know in some of my relationships I’m more patient and some I quarrel with too easily. I have trigger points, as we all do. Your partners/relationships/friends can elicit a particular side of you, so consider:
• Does my better-self or my worse-self show up when I’m with these people or talking with these people?
• Fundamentally, do I like myself in this relationship?

4. Does your partner’s communication lift you up or bring you down? This one is big for me in a couple of ways. The first being the fact that I try to lift others and inspire others through many means, such as my Friday Inspirations which you are reading now. The two biggest considerations should come from asking yourself, “Is my partner’s communication soft on the person, firm on the issue, or the other way around?” and “What about the ways I communicate with them?”

5. How do you and your partner deal with conflict? It’s normal. Conflicts and arguments won’t necessarily jeopardize a relationship. In fact, there are times when disagreements can actually help the bond of your relationship. The key is in how you and your partner decide to handle the conflict. Some good advice was once shared with me that I have tucked away: Let the little things go. People who struggle in life often fight over little things. We obsess over things that don’t really matter. We create resistance instead of letting things glide off us. (GUILTY) Let the little things go, breathe, and move on to the important things.

6. How do you and partners handle external adversity or crisis together? This is my ‘Calling the Bluff’ stuff. From personal to worldly, one of the traits noticeable about highly successful and enduring relationships is the ability to stand together in the face of challenges. A true test is whether two people have each other’s back when times are tough. Does adversity bring you closer together or pull you apart? In difficult life circumstances, do you act like adults or children? Can you and your partner share the bad times, or only enjoy the good times?

I’m pretty sure I could go on and on over this topic. When you read the above it certainly looks like marriage advice, right? Relationships mirror each other that way…there are similar traits found in business partnerships as there are found in intimate relationships. It’s just a fact. When you do this “accounting” of who are your best relationships, etc. I can assure you it will come to mind, “who do I keep tight hold of and who do I let go”… precisely. Knowing when to hold’em and knowing when to fold’em gives you the happiness…

“Complex, fulfilling relationships don’t appear in our lives fully formed. Rather, they develop one encounter at a time”

2013
06/05
CATEGORY
Inspiration
Random Thoughts
TAGS


Leave a comment

Business Relationship…Is It Worth It?

I’ll tell you what…what a heck of a day I just went through.  We all have our bad days, but this one could go down as one which requires me to head to anger management class.

Over the years, it’s been pretty easy to use my natural abilities of making others feel at ease and comfortable with their decision making of buying a home, especially first-timers.  Not because I’m a good salesman but because of my experiences and depth of knowledge as a certified planner over my career.  Adding education to the process enables the buyer to have proper knowledge and helps establish trust in continuation of financing a home.  Along the journey of my career, I’ve also developed very loyal partners and business associate relationships as a result of being the professional I am.  They are very valuable to me…but the value is in the friendship.  You see, I’m the relationship guy.  I place people before profit and ensure that others know how much I care about taking good care of them.  I surround them in my advisor network with others of the same cloth.  In other words, the relationship with people is much more far-reaching than the amount of money I will net on a loan I ever sell.  Sometimes this puts me at a disadvantage though.  I know what you’re thinking…How could being that guy put you at a disadvantage? 

Well, I don’t know if it’s vulnerability or transparency or what…I’ve been taught in my life to be both and as a result, true, meaningful relationships will form.  It’s the difference between capturing that one commission vs. knowing if you build the relationship, seven other opportunities will amount from a single person or transaction.  My income is a bi-product of that foundation.  But have you ever thought that you had a very loyal relationship (partnerships and friendships do often mix and should mix if it’s worth your time!) but then you find out it may be false?  Basically I found out today what a negative, critical, cynical, and doubtful person really is and what they look and sound like.  It came in the form of a small comment with intent.  Privately, I was fighting off  my own doubts already based on a couple of other moments I can recall, but pressed forward when they occurred, trying to understand the person.  Maybe it could have been a moment and not truly how this person thinks and performs in his own business, or how he feels about me.  I tend to look at the positive and the affirmative in most situations.  Questioning others, to another, for the sole intent of smearing one’s name, or creating doubt in another relationship that has strength just isn’t great business karma.  Heck, it’s not even good life karma.  It shows your lack of knowledge, as it did in this case when the person spoke with intent to create doubt.  They never spoke the words to me.  Instead, the comments of “fees being ridiculous on this loan” were forefront, spoken to a very loyal partner of mine and one that I share a very many happy clients with over the years.  Nevermind the buyer’s financial DNA…the less-than-perfect credit score, the 5th home purchase as an investment property, self-employed status, the hard to source personal assets vs. business assets, the buyer chosing to add fees in order to buy-down the interest rate on the loan…I still miraculously got it done after a great many challenges.  The fees on the loan were chosen by the buyer as a structure for what was best for his financial DNA.  No one else’s.  Yet, my integrity was questioned today because a piece of paper showed fees that were above what the commenter thinks is normal.  They WERE higher than normal.  I was working with a transaction made up of un-normalness!  It must mean that I take advantage of buyers and overcharge them, because the best deal must mean that they get NO FEES and a 0% interest rate right?   The commenter has no clue about the loan industry or tightness of getting deals to close these days.  They breed and foster negativity by spreading propaganda which doesn’t concern them.  It shows a very large lack of class, and coming from someone who is a self-appointed leader simply amazes me. 

So why did this happen?  The best answer I can come up with this evening is the fact that this person chooses to operate his life and business from a price basis.  You know, the car salesman?  Yet, his fee as a sales agent isn’t questioned…it’s more the norm, an industry standard sort of thing.  No one gets to look at his credit score and tell him he’s worth less than 3% because his profile is made up of derogatory information.  No one gets to see if he is a profitable agent to determine whether worthy of his total commission.  Yet, he doesn’t know the meaning of the word trust.  The fees on this loan had nothing to do with what commission I made.  It had everything to do with the client DNA I previously mentioned.  The client was very happy, his agent was fully involved and informed along the way and although some tight guidelines made us sweat a couple of times, we closed the transaction on time (in fact, would’ve closed days in advance if the buyer was a local resident).

Today, deep down, I know I did right by my client.  My client knows I did right by him.  My agent knows too and never questions my integrity because of the trust and assuring she receives in return of handling her clients with special care.  But also today, I found out the amount of energy I provide, the amount of time I invest, the total commitment to excellence I stand for, the amount of money I spend, and the priority I put on one particular relationship with an individual was all a waste of time and certainly not worth it.

I don’t know what spurns me to write this.  I am supposed to live with the virtue of forgiveness but it’s hard for me tonight.  I have much to be grateful for in my life, and often I turn the other cheek to such things.  Too often, too many people spend their days blaming others or nurturing grudges, or planning retribution.  I don’t like it when my integrity is questioned.  It’s never happened before…this is all new to me so it has upset me.  It doesn’t feel good.  But I know this:  I have integrity.  Men and women of integrity understand intrinsically that theirs is the precious right to hold their heads in the sunlight of truth, unashamed before anyone. 

So I will do that instead.

2010
02/09
CATEGORY
Random Thoughts
TAGS



1 comment